Jumbled thoughts

I was reading through Ecclesiastes this evening, and something really struck me. As I was reading through all of the things Solomon (a man more qualified than most of us to speak on such topics) found meaningless, and I came to a sad, some satirical conclusion. People (specifically those dealing with investments and money) who are only concerned about making money in life, are in fact, the most foolish investors on the planet. Perhaps even more so than the man who loses everything on a gambling addiction.

Now I'm arguing strictly from a logical standpoint here. If, one day, you are going to die, and you can't take anything with you, and you have no hope of any kind of life after death, why would you spend an entire lifetime, with all of your blood sweat and energy, trying to gain wealth. It is the most foolish investment ever. There is absolutely no return in it what-so-ever. And isn't a return the ultimate goal of something. You put something into an investment, and you expect to get something out of it. But those who have no belief in God, or at least no concern for God, and just blindly live their lives acquiring riches, in the end, have no return in sight.

And the sad thing is that many of these people will admit to this flaw. Relating back to my earlier post on Dawkins, Hitchens and the other prominant athiests, and I reflect again on the utter hopelessness of their position on life. How can so many people be blinded to the bigger picture. All of these things that so many fight for, live for, die for, are ultimately, without God, completely meaningless, a chasing after the wind. I guess it's the power of sin that blinds people to the bigger picture.

And we also have countless examples of very high profile celebrities who attest to the fact that all of their fame, fortune, and glory has brought them nothing but bitterness, loneliness and depression. The equation that most people use to figure out their lives has proven to be false. Because they say money, pleasure, and selfishness = happiness. But time and time again, it shows that that equation leads to everything but happiness.

Reading through Ecclesiastes, it seemed like the teacher was a really jaded, kind of hopeless guy through most of the book. But in reality, he's the only one who gets it. His eyes have been uncovered to a reality without God, and it's utterly meaningless.

But thankfully, God is alive, God is the source of everything, and because he reigns, we can find meaning, joy, pleasure, hope, and satisfaction in everything he has given us. From the smallest, minute thing like picking up cigarette butts (quoting Kunkle's 12th grade Apologetics class) to being President of a country, all of these things find their ultimate, and highest meaning in God. Praise God that Solomon came to the right conclusion at the end of Ecclesiastes, and it is my prayer that God would open more people's eyes to the futility of living a life apart from God, but also to the surpassing greatness of living a life in Christ Jesus.

On another side note, as some of you may know, I've been struggling to understand what I should do with this whole film path I had set out for me. Recently, I've felt many of my desires for a life in the film business fade. For starters, I don't really like being around other people in the business. They come off as arrogant, intimidating, and just plain annoying most of the time. Now that's not everyone, but you can spot a film maker when you see one, and unfortunately, those qualities shout in my ear when I meet most of them. Now this could very easily be my fault and not theirs, but either way, it's something I need to think about since if I did go into the business, I'd have to deal with these types of people all the time. Either my attitude needs to change, or I need to find a very special group of film makers to work with.

Another reason I've been having doubts is because I've realized that maybe, just maybe, I'm not very good. I'm always EXTREMELY sensative about people watching my movies. Probably about 70% of the time, people I show my movies to show a big sense of disinterest. They show it by talking during the movie, getting up to go to the bathroom without asking me to pause it, or just by finding the food in their hand more interesting than my film. And needless to say, I get hurt very easily by these things. And at first, I thought people were just being insensative. Well, guess what, me telling people they hurt my feelings isn't going to pay the bills. The fact is that if I'm going to make a living off of my films, I need to make movies that people will be interested in, and I don't know if I'm cut out for that.

But.................but but but, I haven't given up all hope yet. Recently, I've seen some really great films that have sparked the passion in my heart again. Of course, most of them are Asian films. Ones such as "My Love" (South Korea), Portrait of the Wind (Japan), Syndromes of a Century (Thailand), and "The Chaser"(South Korea), have shown me that movies still get me really really pumped up.

So we'll see where it all goes, but please pray for me that God would show me some direction in that area^__^